Things That I Thought Would Change My Marriage

1/  Looking prettier or being more desirable.

2/  Being cooler or more interesting or engaging.

3/  Encouraging my spouse to get help when at times he wasn’t interested.

4/  Finding a way to get him to love me.

5/  Me learning to be silent and engage less because he had discomfort in the exchange of love.

Ha! Obviously, none of these things worked! I learned (eventually) that all I could really do to improve my marriage was focus on my own wellness (mentally, emotionally, spiritually), my own ability to feel independent happiness, and my own ability to exude peace and be my best self in the world – regardless of his actions. Doing that was the best offering of love I could give.

I feel that if we’re doing that, then it puts the other person in the best position to live their best life, too! It removes the pressure! That’s the best gift ever. Though it doesn’t always save a marriage. I wish that could always be the case. But in the end, both parties need to have a desire to sustain a marriage if it’s going to improve.

If you’d like to have support while trying to offer the best kind of love, we have Skype/phone mentoring available and it’s helping a lot of people.

Now tell me, what things have you done to try and save a marriage (or a relationship)? What things didn’t work, what things did? 

P.S. Thanks for reading everyone!
If you liked the post, follow us on Facebook, share a quote on Twitter, or share our blog with others. I’m already curious to see your comments below.

Much love to all, Mara

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  1. DanandEmily September 29, 2015 at 1:03 pm - Reply

    One of the most important things that helped my marriage was realizing that I am in charge of my own happiness! It's not my hubbies job to make me happy, it's mine! 😀

  2. Lauren September 29, 2015 at 7:06 pm - Reply

    Great post! I love your blog 🙂

    I have been fortunate enough to not have to save my marriage (that would be tough), but I definitely have done things to help make it better.

    I recently wrote out 10 observations that have transformed my marriage over the last decade. Here is one of them ;)…

    "Friendship in marriage is key.

    This may seem like a given, especially when you are dating and your every thought involves the other person. But life can quickly become very full in marriage, especially with the addition of kids. And over time it is easy to develop separate interests –  eventually leading to parallel lives.

    Keeping things lighthearted and fun as friends makes marriage more enjoyable. And helps you grow even closer. We read together, share things that interest us, dream and plan together, and generally just hang out. Here quantity is ever bit as important as quality."

    • Tunji October 21, 2015 at 9:00 pm - Reply

      Beautiful and inspirational

  3. M. Eileen September 29, 2015 at 11:26 pm - Reply

    Just in thinking about a close friendship that ended recently. I worked really hard to engage the person, inviting them for coffee, walks, hanging out time. It finally became clear to me that this person wasn't interested in the same type of friendship I was and that I was spinning my wheels trying to be a good friend. Eventually I just stopped, I felt so light and so free afterwards. It was amazing.

  4. rach. September 30, 2015 at 2:36 am - Reply

    this post is great. i find myself trying to become for of a "homemaker" than i actually am whenever i am in that situation. it's interesting to see how people react, isn't it?
    love the blog girl! i can't wait to see more.
    if you get the chance, please come on over to my blog and let me know what you think! I would really appreciate some insight from a fellow blogger like yourself. keep up the good work and can't wait to read more. 🙂

    love, rach.–

  5. rebecca September 30, 2015 at 12:34 pm - Reply

    A note to say thank you for writing this blog and building this community. Thank you is not enough. I'm having such a hard time lately (not in my marriage, but with family) and it has been nice to come here for strength and support. By simply reading here, I feel love! It's so nice to know that there are truly good people in this world… sending out love.

  6. Anonymous October 1, 2015 at 7:38 pm - Reply

    Oh my gosh… I did so much to save my marriage. In the end I kind of lost myself and the marriage didn't last anyways. I learned that the other person has to want the marriage to work too and both have to make a huge effort. Knowing I did all I could and giving myself permission to be happy despite his choices was huge.

  7. gabrock94 October 8, 2015 at 8:15 am - Reply

    Hello, i'm Giulio, a student at University of Trento. We are now currently investigating love's Dynamics, and we need people in order to try our experiment. It takes less than 10 minutes and all collected datas are stored anonimously. . If you have questions feel free to ask 🙂

  8. Holland Hettinger October 19, 2015 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Hi Mara,

    I understand the fix for items 1, 2, 4, and 5, but what is the fix for no. 3? Wait it out? (How long?) Don't say anything?


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