Not sure if you guys read Design Sponge. I really quite enjoy Grace’s essays!
Maybe you can tell I’m an essay kind of a gal around here. 🙂
Grace recently wrote a post called, “Things That Scare Me
” – a post in response to a blogging movement that happened 3 years ago called, “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You
.” Bloggers in mass were writing posts and revealing the things they were afraid to say. One by one, bloggers were removing the prettiness of perfection. It was incredibly moving to read the few that I read. It was all about human connection.
And yet, I didn’t write one myself.
The truth is, at the time, I couldn’t think of anything that I would have been afraid to write about. You guys know I already share so much on this blog! ha. I guess sharing what is on my mind generally doesn’t scare me so much (though it certainly used to many years ago.)
But when I recently read Grace’s essay, “Things That Scare Me
,” I thought: that one’s a little different. It’s not fear of sharing
. It’s just fears in general, which I certainly have. And since I write here on this blog and you and I get to connect here often, I thought perhaps it might be interesting to hear my own version. I changed it a little…
The Things That Worry Me:
1. At Times, I Worry I’ll Regret Being Childless.
This worry does cross my mind. Rarely. But sheesh, it does happen. The fear, however, is not strong enough to obsess over it or do more medical treatments or start the adoption process in a hurry. It’s more of a thought that comes along, an after effect of our current life plan. Adoption didn’t feel doable in the States as we were moving abroad and didn’t have jobs – and also, starting the long process didn’t feel within reach anymore due to the lack of stamina (as I have written about before
). Adoption feels even further from doable now that we live abroad. We could change things drastically, but the motivation just isn’t strong enough at this time. It’s still sad to me that I feel this way and I didn’t anticipate this! But it is what it is. I can’t change it or fake it. And so, we are currently carrying forward in the best way we can. And part of carrying on does include wonders about the future. Though when any fears creep in, I just remind myself that I’m doing the best I can – and that all will be well in life as long as I stay engaged in something meaningful.
2. I Worry People Will Feel They Don’t Relate to Me.
I know not having children is not the traditional path, for most. Based on questions or comments we receive – I often get the feeling that people don’t agree with this path and obviously don’t understand that we tried
. One example, there was a meeting set aside with Danny and a leader of the church down here so they could discuss our lack of children and our need to do something about it – oh my.
And on the extreme end, it seems some even resent us for not having children – for not taking the path that means so much to them.
3. I Worry That I’ll Get A Bad Haircut.
Oh man. This one is obviously ridiculous! But I do fear a bad haircut. I guess because I’ve had soooo many bad haircuts before. The thing is, my hair has typically been super thick and also curly/wavy. And so it seems the stylist needs to be quite skilled at getting the cut to flow right, without shelf-like layers, etc. In NYC, the risk of a bad haircut is a great one just because it costs so much to visit a salon. I’m about to take the plunge here in Ecuador (for the first time) with supposedly one of Cuenca’s best stylists. If he screws it up, at least I’ll only be out $14. This will all go down tomorrow evening! 🙂 My back-up is visiting Rubi Jones the moment I get to NYC in May.
4. I Worry About Losing Danny – Even When We’re Old.
I’m the type that flat out balls on the phone when calling to get life insurance. My insurance agent said it happens all the time. haha. When I think of losing Danny, I know that I would want to live in his honor. And that all would be ok. But still – I’d prefer not to experience it.
5. I Worry That I’ve Burned Bridges by Not Being Able to Respond to Emails.
Returning emails has been really, really hard for me since starting this blog as my inbox has constantly been snowed in. I know I’ve lost at least one friend because of it. The emails that I get from people are perhaps the most heart felt emails on earth! (I think I can name one email where someone asked about my shoes.) The emails I get are about LIFE – the very, very most meaningful parts of it! Those emails do power me here on this blog. I don’t think I could do this work if no one said a peep. So I appreciate every morsel and every word. But it has been a process to learn to carry on when there are so many unanswered emails – from friends and readers alike. The good news is, we’re getting some systems in place that can help us be more organized as a little operation. Already the inbox has been less daunting and responses have been flying out the door. I’m so grateful, and hope to continue improving.
6. I Worry That Some People May Be Hurt By Stories of Transformation.
Some may find happiness and peace and self worth unattainable. I was once that person who thought those things were perhaps never going to be possible for me. And yet, while I do worry that a post may trigger a feeling of overwhelm in someone, I also know that being exposed to a different perspective or a different way of life CAN be powerful and even life changing. It eventually had that effect on me. So I carry on. And just hope that my words will reach those who are not offended by hope, but who are grateful for it, as I once was.
7. I Worry That Our Blog & Events & Other Efforts Will Not Become Fully Sustainable.
This time right now is a time for experimentation. We truly love this endeavor and as we work on ways to offer more services to this audience, we hope that we’ll be able to do it for the long term. It’s been really exciting around here to try. I’m going to start a little series of posts that give you some of our updates along the way. Of course, there is always the possibility that things will not work out. Though luckily we still have lots and lots to do before we can make that call.
Cheers to sharing.
Cheers to human connection.
Cheers to being in this life together.
Event registration is open NOW for our U.S. Tour and Body+Soul Camp in Ecuador! $100 off the U.S. Tour through May 1st with code: LOVE2015. Also see here for special Couples/Friends Pricing. And don’t miss the F.A.Q.