We Found Out The Results Of The IVF…

(by Danny)

Just before six o’clock in the evening we received a phone call from our doctor. As the phone was ringing and Mara prepared to put her phone on speaker, she asked if I wanted to grab my phone to record the call that we hoped would be good news.

I think the second we heard him say hello, we could tell that he wasn’t calling to say that Mara was pregnant. And so, over the next 8 minutes he told us that the blood test was negative, that he wasn’t quite sure what was wrong, as it seemed the embryos were healthy and Mara’s body seemed to be preparing perfectly for the embryo transfer. He wants her to come in tomorrow to run some detailed blood work to test if the drugs Mara was taking had the desired effect, and to see if there are any hints at what went wrong. He is a good doctor, and determined to figure things out. But we’re not so certain we want to try this route again anyway. We’d have to start from scratch, and there are so many drugs and hormones and what not that I’m not sure it is something we want to do.

So, when the phone call ended, we had a good hug, a couple of tender kisses, and went to our room to kneel and pray. We laid our troubles out, we asked for strength, we prayed in love for each other, and we expressed gratitude for all those whose prayers and thoughts had been joined with ours these last few months. (If you want a better idea of what the prayer sounded like, click here to read my reply to a reader who had never prayed and wondered how to even start.)

The prayer was followed by more hugs, a few tears, and phone calls to now disappointed, but supportive family and friends. I think the hardest part is telling people who have just as much vested in this as you do. We are truly blessed to have so many whose hearts are knit with ours. Thank you.

We decided to walk down the street to one of our favorite restaurants in the neighborhood and enjoy a nice meal on their patio. There’s something wonderful about sitting across the table from someone you love, holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, and finding healing in each other’s company.  There were some moments we didn’t talk much, just gazed and loved. Other times we talked about where we were in the healing process and what the future may hold and what our next steps will be.  We asked if there was anything different we could have or should have done, and I think we feel we’ve done all within our reach so far, and there is satisfaction in that. I can’t say we left a stone unturned in this particular path.

Dusk had settled by the time we started walking the few blocks home, and it included one of my favorite parts of the evening. Mara and I discovered early into our courtship that we just seemed to fit together as we walk. Her hips seem to fit into this perfect groove just beneath my own, and something about our walk together is just right as my left foot and her right move forward simultaneously. We walk side by side, our arms around each other, it sometimes feels like we couldn’t be closer. From the moment we first discovered this uncanny little blending, it has always been one those things that seems to make me feel at one with her. And so it was tonight as we walked back home to write this post.

We are grateful for all of you dear readers who have expressed so much love and support, whose prayers and thoughts have been sent up and sent out to uplift and strengthen us. We are grateful to have this place to talk about the healing that has been experienced in the past, and the healing that will need to be experienced now. I am grateful to no longer have to stick needles in my wife every morning and every night, and see black and blue bruises from my handiwork that came as a result of the blood thinner she was on. We are grateful for the stillness and peace of this night. We are grateful to know that something good will come, even of this. We are grateful for whatever adventures now lie ahead, and whatever paths will reveal themselves in the near or distant future.

We send our love out to all of you, and know that we will receive it back one hundred fold.

With Love,
Danny and Mara

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  1. theengineerswife June 18, 2013 at 6:13 am - Reply

    I'm so sorry to hear that. Having just heard similar news, it's great to see you tackle this tough time with such grace and peace.
    Love to you both x

  2. Michelle Bunt June 18, 2013 at 6:14 am - Reply

    I am thinking of you both warmly right now. You are right…your love will be returned to you just as selflessly and generously as you give to others.

  3. Sharlee June 18, 2013 at 6:15 am - Reply

    Sending my love!

  4. Allison June 18, 2013 at 6:34 am - Reply

    Oh my heart. Such hard news, but at the same time, now you know, and I'm sure there is peace in that– and also a sort of holiness that comes with such trials.

  5. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 6:40 am - Reply

    Praying and trusting in your love for each other. May your courage to share this ever so personal journey, give others courage to reach out and support you both!

    Embracing in the simplicity of these few words:
    “Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.”

  6. Heidi Hansen June 18, 2013 at 7:04 am - Reply

    I have been thinking and praying for you guys so much lately… and I have been meaning to email you! But a quick comment will have to do for now. I'm sorry it wasn't the outcome you had hoped for but I can't think of a better couple to go through something like this. We are so lucky to be able to learn from you two and to have such an honest and open journey shared with us. In fact, as I was reading this post I couldn't help but think how appreciative I was to travel on this IVF journey with you. I had no idea what it entailed because it is such a vulnerable topic people don't share much about.

    Love you both and still sending prayers!

    p.s. it's really helpful to see you two apply everything you talk about and everything you've taught me. It's so helpful to see HOW you do it.

  7. Tracie Carter June 18, 2013 at 7:17 am - Reply

    Thank you so much for continuing to share your journey, it is of great benefit to many! I am sad all that effort didn't work out and my heart breaks for you and that door closing. My best friend went through IVF last year three times and you are right, sharing the news with loved ones is an additional burden of sorrow to bear. Thank you for opening your hearts so wide open and vulnerable so we all may learn and have our hearts opened too.

    And because my life is very full right now and I can't count on remembering what I want to say at a future more appropriate time, I will just share this now. A family friend of ours has been pursuing adopting a Chinese girl who is aging out of China's foster program. Some of their other friends are looking into it as well. Children age out at 13 I believe – such a young age to be thrust upon the world. I know that's much different than a baby bundle, but perhaps it takes root in your hearts. You both have much love to give and I am grateful to see your story unfold. We just returned from a 9 day stay in Beijing and loved the warmth of the people we met. Neat branch there too!

  8. Emily June 18, 2013 at 8:07 am - Reply

    best wishes and warmest hugs for you two. thank you for sharing your story with the world. may God bless you on your next adventures. xoxo

  9. Becky June 18, 2013 at 8:49 am - Reply

    My seventeen year old daughter and I just had a conversation about your post and your news. As followers of your story and beneficiaries of your commitment to practicing love and sharing your tools, we talked briefly about what you'd described: the phone call, the prayer, the quiet meal at a favorite restaurant. She hadn't yet read the post and I encouraged her to go there so she hear your words instead of mine. We're so sorry about the outcome but so deeply touched by your mutual determination to locate your peace, especially during such an unimaginably painful moment. Sending our gentlest thoughts.

  10. Janell June 18, 2013 at 9:11 am - Reply

    The first thing that loaded onto my screen when I pulled up your webpage was your title for your post. As I anxiously waited for my computer to think, I thought, oh could it be true?! Once the words appeared, my heart sank as I read. Each one of us have such great challenges to face, challenges that we know are beyond our own strength, and that is when fervent prayer plays its part. We are also blessed in very different and distinct ways. It is discovering how strong you truly are, at a time like this even when you did not really want to know, that blesses your life and others. Your faith is strong, I know you will be blessed with courage at the times you need it.

  11. Wendy June 18, 2013 at 9:55 am - Reply

    So sorry for your news, I am so impressed with how you have dealt with it and admire you both so much. Please take heart that IVF is for the majority of people a process that often involves more than one go.. its a numbers game unfortunately so don't give up hope. I am about to start my 8th full round of injections and still have the hope that their is a good egg in there somewhere!

  12. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 10:29 am - Reply

    I'm sorry to hear your news. I have a great friend in DC – (she attends the Capitol Hill Ward) who did 3 rounds of IVF for her first pregnancy and over 10 rounds of IVF for her second pregnancy. She really has an amazing story. Check out some of her blog.


    You are an inspiration!

  13. Amelia Murdock June 18, 2013 at 11:51 am - Reply

    You look beautiful in that photograph Mara!
    So sorry about hearing it didn't work out and good luck on your future adventure–whatever it may be.


  14. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 12:00 pm - Reply

    I'm sorry the news wasn't different; wasn't what we all wanted for you. I'm glad it's brought you together even more. I think that is the amazing thing about how you function: you really bring people, including yourselves, together over whatever life brings. I never told many people about my IVF journey. I couldn't handle people knowing and having to tell them about things not working.

    But now I see how the opposite approach could have helped bring me closer to many people in my life. While trying to avoid the unpleasantness of sharing bad news, I completely missed the blessing of having people to share it with. You have certainly illustrated this. Thanks for your openness, honesty and willingness to share and embrace everything and everyone as they come to you.

  15. Rik June 18, 2013 at 12:03 pm - Reply

    Mara, I'm crying happy and sad tears for you right now. I truly can't imagine what it must be like to go through all that you have. Your perspective is amazing and I know the Lord will carry you and Danny through this, like always. I love you two (even though we've never met) and I am praying for you.

  16. Alyssa June 18, 2013 at 12:25 pm - Reply

    I'm sorry to hear this news but know that you two have such a beautiful plan ahead for you. You have embraced and endured so much with such love and grace, that I know that you will continue to face the future with such things. You are both truly inspirational and I am sending you all my love.

  17. Sarah June 18, 2013 at 12:56 pm - Reply

    Shedding a tear and saying a prayer for you guys. Thanks for letting us in on their journey. xo

  18. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 12:58 pm - Reply

    I am soo sorry to hear that..I was praying that things would work out positive this time. Maybe there is something better in store. Stay strong and pray. I know miracles do happen 🙂 You are both my inspiration and there is not one day that i dont read this blog. I am praying for you guys!!

  19. Emily June 18, 2013 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    Mara, the photo of you at the restaurant is worth 1,000 words. Your persevering smile communicates so well, i think, the message you all share of grief and gift and healing.
    My heart goes out to you both–I've been checking twitter and this page every few hours since Saturday!!–I'm so grateful for your example of love.

  20. Elizabeth June 18, 2013 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I thought for sure this would work for you guys. I shed a few tears reading this post this morning. I can't imagine the disappointment you must feel after so much was vested. But, I know from reading your blog that you are strong, your faith is strong and you trust God for your future. I'll say some prayers for you guys today and pray that God will continue to grant you peace, wisdom and guidance for the plans to come.

  21. Kate Legnetti June 18, 2013 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    Dear Mara and Danny,

    I have been thinking of you both frequently over the past week and have been sending warm thoughts and prayers across 7th Avenue. I am hoping that you find peace in each other and that you receive clarity and hope in the next part of your journey (whatever that may be). Also hoping that dinner at Applewood helped (seriously, are their biscuits not the best?).

  22. Heather June 18, 2013 at 1:17 pm - Reply

    I'm so sorry to hear your news. What a blessing that you have each other, and such love and support. I wish you the best of luck. One way or another, you will get the baby that will be perfect for you.

  23. Denise June 18, 2013 at 1:22 pm - Reply

    Shalom Dear Mara and Danny, Shalom

  24. Mimi June 18, 2013 at 1:22 pm - Reply

    So sorry.

  25. Mer June 18, 2013 at 1:36 pm - Reply

    I'm sorry about disappointing news. It's times like this I'm grateful for the knowledge that God lives, loves and has a perfect plan for each of us.

  26. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 1:48 pm - Reply

    I am sorry to read these news, and at the same time I feel the peace coming through your writing and photos. I just want to thank you so much for sharing your story here, being vulnerable and all. It is so incredibly generous of you and edifying as well. I join in your prayers that God may give you the strength that you need.

  27. Kim June 18, 2013 at 1:49 pm - Reply

    I'm so sorry. I was so hoping for good news for you guys. I know as you both do that God has a path set out for you. Thank you for always being such a positive force of love and goodness. Your blog always makes me smile.

  28. kh June 18, 2013 at 2:37 pm - Reply

    Oh, wow, I am sorry for your news. Thank you for sharing. There's so much love and peace in your words…incredible things are coming your way, I'm certain. Hoping you both have a peaceful day today.

  29. katie fiddler June 18, 2013 at 2:39 pm - Reply

    I'm so sad to hear your news, but so happy to hear the peace in your voices. Sending lots of love and light your way today.

    PS – Mara, you look completely radiant in that first photo. It made me do a double take!

  30. Carolyn June 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm - Reply

    Mara and Danny,
    Sending you so much love from Miami.

  31. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 3:08 pm - Reply

    I just want to say thank you for sharing and send love.

  32. Rochelleht June 18, 2013 at 3:11 pm - Reply

    I am so blessed to be able to witness your amazing strength and to see Mara acting exactly as she predicted she would in this circumstance. I know I don't comment here much, but I have mentioned before that one of the greatest blessings of our life came from adoption. To welcome a sweet child into our home for eternity has brought us the greatest joy. Our family can't imagine life without him. And having given birth to three and adopted one, there is absolutely NO difference in the love and bond that we share. Sure do love you guys. I send my prayers and good wishes for your continued journey.

  33. LouLou in Paris June 18, 2013 at 3:12 pm - Reply

    What a brave post, bursting with lots of love and light. Danny and Mara, i am so sorry to hear that you didn't get the results that you wanted, but i'm enormously relieved that you both have each other and a love that seems VERY VERY strong (read unbreakable) to help each other through this testing time. Sending lots of love, Lou xx

  34. Kristin Brown June 18, 2013 at 3:17 pm - Reply

    I want to pass on my love to you as well… I'm so sorry this didn't work out as hoped. I also saw something pretty incredible in the photos of you both–there seems to be a hopeful happiness that overshadows the sadness. You seem happy *through* the sadness if that makes sense. I'm so grateful for your willingness to share these experiences with us and let us into your hearts to show us how you handle trials firsthand. It's pretty incredible.

  35. allison June 18, 2013 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    My thoughts are with both of you this morning. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

  36. Rachel June 18, 2013 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    I'm sorry you guys! I am sending you lots of love! Thank you so much for all you do for others and all you share on your blog. Knowing you are facing such a difficult trial makes your message all the more beautiful and amazing to me. I'm glad you guys have each other. I hope for something wonderful around the corner in store forthe two of you!

  37. Nicki Clark June 18, 2013 at 3:31 pm - Reply

    If there are any two people who will come off conquer and be ready to embrace all the good that lies ahead, it's you two. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way, and I'm excited for your new adventures to come.

  38. lauren June 18, 2013 at 3:31 pm - Reply

    thank you for always being so open and honest with us, your readers. i feel such a sense of relief when i visit your blog and know that nothing will be sugar-coated. i am sorry about the results of the ivf, but i trust that your journey to parenthood is just beginning. 🙂

  39. Alexis June 18, 2013 at 3:32 pm - Reply

    What a blessing and wondrous thing that you find healing with each other. My thoughts are with you.

  40. merathon June 18, 2013 at 3:40 pm - Reply

    you two are awesome and an inspiration to so many. i stumbled on your blog ages ago because we have a mutual friend in Erin Woodward, and i have recommended your blog to so many friends now!

  41. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 3:45 pm - Reply

    I'm crying with love. Thank you for going to such a great effort to have a child. Thank you for being so graceful. Thank you for your faith and example. – Amy

  42. Heather June 18, 2013 at 3:48 pm - Reply

    You both are really such beautiful people. Sending you love and the hope for continued peace.

  43. Someone In Mind June 18, 2013 at 4:15 pm - Reply

    Pretty much crying my eyes out. My heart is broken and at the same time filled with hope. I think your sweet little souls are going to find their way to you through adoption. And won't that be something. 😉 Praying for you both. Love you Mara!

  44. Original Kos June 18, 2013 at 4:17 pm - Reply

    We love you so much and have heavy hearts with you—Thinking about you every second and saying lots of prayers for your comfort and future guidance. xoxo much love, The Cummings

  45. erin m. June 18, 2013 at 4:29 pm - Reply

    I am so incredibly inspired by you two and your response to something that is really hard. I'm praying for you both, that the Lord would guide you as the what's the next step and that He would draw you close to Himself. xo

  46. Hailey June 18, 2013 at 4:45 pm - Reply

    I know it sound a bit backwards, but CONGRATULATIONS! Congrats on being brave, strong, and supportive of one another as you worked (and continue to work) towards this goal in your lives. Congrats on sharing your thoughts, emotions, views, and understanding with those you know, and those you don't, to lift them up and help them to see that EVERYONE is capable of being so much more with love in their lives. Congratulations on looking at things that are hard and finding a way to be grateful for the process and for the opportunity to learn. Congratulations on loving so fully and so openly that you are able to share that love without making physical contact with many of your readers.
    Congratulations on finding one another, with God, and living life the way it should be lived.

  47. Tiffany June 18, 2013 at 4:58 pm - Reply

    Thank you for your example. Looking forward to seeing how your life unfolds.

  48. Erin June 18, 2013 at 5:02 pm - Reply

    I've never posted before but I have loved your blog for your honesty and strength. I too have gone through multiple ivf cycles and reading your blog has changed my perspective on this challenging situation. I was really praying and hoping for the best and my heart sank and I got chills reading this post. I know you were both meant to be parents no matter what it takes to get there.

  49. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 5:03 pm - Reply

    Mara and Danny, I have never posted before but have been following for months. Guys, so many of us have been there and man, it is HARD. Grieve now. This is such a loss. But know that parenthood is so so so wonderful. When your children come home to you, this time will be a small bittersweet memory that will be hopelessly crowded out by the innumerable moments of joy that parenting brings.

    Or continue your mission as you are without becoming (literal) parents! You are embracing us all with a parent's love and teachings, and in this you are truly giving of yourselves as the best of parents do.

  50. k8te June 18, 2013 at 5:07 pm - Reply

    i'm so sorry to hear this, but so impressed by your positivity as always!

  51. Lindsay June 18, 2013 at 5:11 pm - Reply

    I am so sorry. I went through 3 rounds of IVF and wish I had had the guts to let it go after 1 round.
    Look at the way Danny is looking at you! Beautiful.

  52. Sonel June 18, 2013 at 5:14 pm - Reply

    I'm so happy that you have each other to lean on. As I read you're post I couldn't help but think that you already have so much love in your lives. I have a toddler and another baby on the way, but my husband is still and always will be my greatest joy. I am so happy that even though you're not pregnant you already possess a love that will carry you through your whole life. It's a valuable, rare thing that you have with each other.

  53. Sally June 18, 2013 at 5:40 pm - Reply

    Lighting a candle for you in prayer and holding space in peace and love for you. Sending you a big, supportive hug from across the neighborhood. I hope you feel all the love and support you give to everyone being mirrored back to you.

  54. M June 18, 2013 at 5:59 pm - Reply

    I'm so sorry. Thank you so very much for uplifting me (and all your readers) during my difficult days. I hope we can send our love and prayers out to hold you up now — as you have to us.

    I'm squishing on my third baby through adoption as I type. I promise you this excruciating journey you are on ends well. Whatever the path the Lord has in mind for you… it will be worth it. I wish someone would have told me that all the pain and confusion and heartbreak and prayers ARE WORTH IT. I'm glad none of those others babies worked out. This little one is the one God always planned for me and I just had to wait and learn for his time to enter the world.

    Much love to you both~

  55. monica June 18, 2013 at 6:07 pm - Reply

    You have the support and love of your family and friends but you also have strangers like me, rooting for you! Because I know that no matter what Heavenly Father has prepared for you it will be amazing and will be exactly what He wants for your life. Through this blog you have given out so much to the world, it is inevitable that so much good will come your way.
    Many blessings for you both!

  56. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 6:21 pm - Reply

    I've recently started following your blog as I too struggle with infertility, but have been tracking this every single day and hoping and praying for you guys. I am so, so sorry that it did not work out for you at this time. You guys, and the love that you share and the sheer joy that you take in every day is really heartwarming (and a little annoying, as I feel so negative and down all the time myself :)). But hearing your positive, happy thoughts every day keep my spirits up. And for that, I cannot thank you enough. All my prayers to you right now.

  57. CSB June 18, 2013 at 6:55 pm - Reply

    I am crushed for you, and to quote Glennon Melton, trying to hold space for you amidst this disappointment.

    I have no doubt you will be parents one day if you decide to continue on any paths that lay ahead, but I wanted this to be the "easy" end of your work.

    I'm so sorry for all that you both have endured, even if you can handle it with more grace than anyone else ever could.

    Hugs and love, and hoping for perhaps some optimistic news from your doctor.

  58. Jenny D. June 18, 2013 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    I've been stalking your blog waiting for this post, whatever the news happened to be. I've been thinking a lot about the posts that have gone up this past week, especially the one where Mara talked about what if IVF doesn't work and now where you mentioned that you left no stone unturned. There is much peace to be found in knowing that you both took this IVF road to it's very end, and although the end was more bitter than sweet, you arrived. What may seem like a dead end is merely the summit of one mountain in which you can now view the valley leading to yet another mountain. Take in the view knowing we'll be with you as you make your way off this IVF mountain and into this new, unknown valley that is full of promise and hope. Crying alligator tears for you here and sending my most heartfelt prayers of comfort your way!

  59. Jen Z June 18, 2013 at 7:32 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You approach life with such sweetness and grace, and never cease to leave me feeling inspired, hopeful, and grateful, striving to be the best person I can be. I know the pain of waiting for that phone call, and the way the tone of the Doctor's voice reveals the message before the news is even spoken.

    Thank you for all you give and share on this blog. So many of your recent posts have truly touched my heart. Reading your Sunday Sermon was a beautiful way to begin the day, and the transformative words you included as part of your 'finding peace with infertility' post are now a part of my daily meditation.

    Thank you for being such wonderful people, teachers, and examples of a life well lived. Much love to you both…

  60. Em June 18, 2013 at 7:33 pm - Reply

    I am sorry to hear the news! I am thankful that you both have so much love and support out there and please be uplifted by the fact that you touch so many people's lives on a daily basis and are making an amazing impact in this world! It takes a lot of courage to share such personal experiences in a public outlet like this and thank you for being so candid with us all and so inspiring. I will lift you both up in my prayers today and I pray that your hearts will be filled with peace and the hope and trust that something amazing is awaiting you just around the corner!

  61. Jenny June 18, 2013 at 7:34 pm - Reply

    Mara and Danny, you are amazing! May your path to parenthood continue in happiness, even though it appears it will be a bit longer than you and we readers were hoping. Thank you for all you share. Although I don't know either of you outside of reading this blog, I want you to know what an inspiration you have been to me in pursuing my happiness. You've supported me greatly in my journey, and I'll be sending support and prayers to you on yours. 🙂

  62. Miggy June 18, 2013 at 7:40 pm - Reply

    You two really are wonderful human beings. I can't wait to see what's in store for you.
    Much love from San Antonio.

  63. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 7:44 pm - Reply

    I'm so sorry Mara and Danny. I know this is a very rough time for you both, but keep in mind, that if you want a baby, you will have one. You might need to wait, you might need more medical treatments, you might need to adopt or you might need to foster, but you will have your baby if that's what you want.
    sending my love,

  64. Pam G June 18, 2013 at 8:13 pm - Reply

    Dear Mara and Danny,

    I am very sad to hear of the news you received from your doctor. My husband and I were praying for you and hoping that you would receive the news we all wish for you. I hope you both feel the family you have built amongst all of us who return to your blog as I feel we are united in sharing your joys and sorrows, and in thanking the Lord for blessing you with the love you both share.

    with love,


  65. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 8:25 pm - Reply

    Guys, you're just so incredibly brave to share your journey so openly with the world! Where I'm from, they say "God likes to test his favorite people!". I feel crushed for you but I'm sure you will be absolutely and completely fine. And I wish you nothing but the best in the future for a roly poly baby 🙂

    Lots of love,

  66. Sarah Stäbler June 18, 2013 at 8:32 pm - Reply

    So sorry to hear that news. It's not what you (or any of us here on the blog who are rooting for you) had hoped to hear. It's certainly not easy. Prayers for you for continued peace and clarity on how to continue. Much love to you both.

  67. M. June 18, 2013 at 9:01 pm - Reply

    I'm feeling sad but uplifted at the same time. You guys are two amazing people, beautiful inside and out. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you all the best 🙂

    "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; he sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind" (Psalm 107:19-21)

  68. Morgan Reece June 18, 2013 at 9:02 pm - Reply

    I've really felt blessed to be able to follow this journey for you two in trying to have a baby. I just feel overwhelmed and blessed and sad all at the same time. Sad that it didnt turn out a little differently for you two, but blessed and overwhelmed to see your guys' reaction to it. To immediately kneel and pray together. To go out and eat together. To be together and love each other and grieve but talk and plan to move forward. I honestly just feel so much love through you two and hope the very best for you in your next adventure.


  69. Sage June 18, 2013 at 10:07 pm - Reply

    Tears from me to you both. I was praying for a different result, but know you have done all you can.

    You share so much with the world. Thank you! I am sure your road ahead will be blessed whatever it may be.

  70. Julia Kay June 18, 2013 at 10:09 pm - Reply

    Mara and Danny,

    With my whole heart, I am so sorry for you two. I know you would not want people to feel sorry for you, but I just do. I've followed you for some time now and to read this feels like I'm reading a letter from a family member.

    All the love and prayers for you,

  71. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 10:10 pm - Reply

    Love and peace.

  72. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 10:38 pm - Reply

    I'm sorry to hear that guys. It's probably too early, but there is a baby or child out there that already needs you. You don't need to make one. It will happen.

  73. Sam June 18, 2013 at 10:50 pm - Reply

    Oh, you guys. I am so, so sorry. My heart is heavy for you both right now and I truly hope and pray that you will find peace and the answers you are looking for.

  74. Anonymous June 18, 2013 at 11:19 pm - Reply

    So sorry….sending prayers for both of you tonight.

  75. A Place to Reside June 19, 2013 at 12:14 am - Reply

    There are no words. All I can say is that my heart is very much with you.

  76. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 12:16 am - Reply

    I grew up with my mother's disdain for my father – and vice versa – often being expressed out whenever I said or did something like the other parent. It has made me think of how special and unique an adopted child must be – that in every way, as the grow and blossom, they just resemble themselves more and more.

    Perhaps someday you two may find the path of adoption as beautiful as I do. I hope so. The right soul might be waiting to meet you one day, and they don't need your help to find their way into the right body. Until then, my heart goes out to you during this step in your journey, wherever it leads.

  77. Jill V. June 19, 2013 at 12:25 am - Reply

    Hey you two. I love your love, if that makes sense.

    Don't mind me if I hug you when I see you on Thursday at Alt.


  78. katie joe June 19, 2013 at 12:58 am - Reply

    Sending you love and prayers of peace.

  79. ABBY LOW June 19, 2013 at 1:06 am - Reply

    Sending even more love to you two.


  80. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 2:31 am - Reply

    Thank you for your honesty and grace as you share this with your readers. How lovely that you two have each other to go through this with and that you both have such healthy perspectives to bring to the process.

    I'm certain that in a few years, you'll look back on this and it will all be clear that your parenting journey worked out the way it did for the best and for a good reason. If you still want to be parents, it will work out in some other way that will make it clearer why this wasn't the right time or process.

    Also, in the event it helps, I'll share one quick story. I have two friends who were very persistent with the use of medical interventions, including IVF, to fight infertility. Both got pregnant eventually, both carried babies to term, and both gave birth to babies with terminal diseases (that weren't caught by the limited panel of genetic tests that are done). Both babies lived painful lives until they passed away, one after a month and one after less than a year. When they talk with their close friends now, they share they have independently shared that maybe their bodies weren't meant to carry a baby. Maybe Mother Nature knew that their genetics wouldn't combine right or that the pregnancy wouldn't work for their body. They both regret "forcing" a pregnancy and fighting nature so much. One couple has since adopted and has two healthy, amazing children. The other couple decided they could be content and happy without children. This is long-winded, but all to say that maybe Mother Nature is smarter than all of us and is saving you from more potential hurt in the future.

    Best wishes to you.

  81. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 3:31 am - Reply

    I wish I could reach through the computer screen to give you a hug, Mara. You two are an amazing, strong couple. I know things will work out for you as they should, and that you will have the opportunity to be parents one way or another . . . You have so much love to give. Sending hugs, prayers, and much hope your way.

  82. Rebecca June 19, 2013 at 3:40 am - Reply

    I don't think I've ever actually commented before, but I read your blog frequently. You guys are an inspiration. Mara, you have helped provide me with a beautiful model of HOW I want to live with infertility, as long as I am meant to live with it.

    This post makes me think of what has become one of my favorite Scriptures in my time on this journey.

    The words of the prophet Isaiah:
    'Sing, O barren one. . .break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in travail! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her that is married, says the Lord.' (54:1).

    Mara (and Danny), never doubt that you are making children. You are helping people like me, all around the world, learn to live more fully into their identity as children of God–not just in name, but in action.
    That is a beautiful thing.
    All the same-my heart hurts with you tonight. Praying many blessings over you. And praying for a biological child to still come about, as that has been your heart's desire.

    With love although we've never met-

  83. Emily June 19, 2013 at 4:50 am - Reply

    I have read many blogs and there has been NO blog that has ever touched me like your's has. Though I am only a recent reader, I was anxious these last few days for your results. I ache for you both in this difficult time – but if there's one thing I have learned in your writings – it's that you are both amazing, strong, believing people who WILL make it through this trials.

  84. Martha June 19, 2013 at 4:51 am - Reply

    God bless you both!

  85. Cathy Wolfram June 19, 2013 at 5:41 am - Reply

    So sorry guys. God has a plan and is right there with you both. XO Cathy from AYP

  86. Unknown June 19, 2013 at 5:53 am - Reply

    I am so sorry to hear your news. I was so hoping that it would be a "yes". You two handle life with such grace and you are an inspiration. I know that God has beautiful and wonderful plans ahead for you!

  87. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 6:02 am - Reply

    It's my first time posting. My heart goes to you both. Hugs. Please know that you have touched the lives of so many here, even around the world. Your blog has been a beautiful blessing and i personally have learned so much from you two. You're my role model Mara. Sending love and positive thoughts to you all the way from Asia. God bless.


  88. hustontrio June 19, 2013 at 12:18 pm - Reply

    Dear Mara and Danny, I am absolutley and wholeheartedly keeping you both in my warmest thoughts and prayers. God Bless you both – I am confident a world of miracles will continue to be showered upon you.

  89. chinkara June 19, 2013 at 1:24 pm - Reply

    Mara and Danny, love and renewed hope for the future. As your are already parents I am learning from (in my eyes), I know a child(ren) will come into your life. Since you know this, too, I hope that knowledge gives you peace. I love to remember what the dalai lama says, "to contemplate life, you must first start with death." And, as I imagine myself at the end of my days, I see beautiful spirits and generations of children and grand children and great grand children at my side. It brings me hope and joy every time I think about it. I see the same for you!
    love to you both!

  90. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 1:56 pm - Reply

    Ok I normally don't comment but the gals comment about having babies with terminal diseases and maybe they weren't meant to have a child and "forcing a pregnancy"really made me think–"who says that"!? Obviously someone who hasn't experienced infertility! My battle with infertility was a very dark and depressing time. One I did not handle well at all! But we do look back now and laugh especially about the shots! How my husband enjoyed "stabbing" me in the rear and almost broke a needle off once! The only thing that saved my sanity was at the same time I had the opportunity to care for a family members mother who was paralyzed in a tragic accident. I will always remember the day I got yet another NOT PREGNANT call from my fertility doctor and I layed down next to her and had a good cry. Then I realized that although my body was "broken" and refused to give me the one thing I wanted–a baby–it was still pretty amazing! I could walk and go and do anything I wanted….I could serve others! You both inspire so many! AND don't give up!! We adopted a beautiful daughter and miraculously all on our own got pregnant with an adorable son! Yes they are only 6 months apart and just turned 10 years old! You will be amazing parents–biological or adoptive! And have quite the story to tell your child–about how badly you wanted them. Hailey loves to remind me of the story of how mommy's tummy was broken but we didn't give up and so another mommy helped her so she could come to our family! So I say follow where your heart leads you!

  91. Teresa June 19, 2013 at 2:37 pm - Reply

    Liquid prayers. That's how an Irish woman I met referred to tears. Tears flowed reading your post. Tears for you and for all the disappointments people face. I know a few people who were laid off yesterday.
    Thank you for sharing how you dealt with this disappointment, how you spent your evening. I think one of the ways that you two already nurture and mother and father is with this blog. I hope you don't go back on the drugs and hormones, Mara. Blessings toyouboth.

  92. KAM June 19, 2013 at 2:54 pm - Reply

    Thank you both for sharing this one more event on your journey with life, love and healing as you watch for the signs of what next steps will unfold perfectly as your blessed journey together continues. I send, as always, my prayers for the ongoing travel along life's road along paths of smoothness and rocky steps. Your deep and fulfilling love for one another and that deep faith will always give to your steps just what will propel you on to more blessings. with love, Kristin

  93. Quinne June 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm - Reply

    I feel so inspired and lifted up by you both. Mara, that picture of you radiates off the page. Thank you so much for helping me learn how to happily, graciously, and peacefully live my life. I'm working on it:). I hope for many good things to come your way. I've been uplifted by reading the comments of so many who have grown to care for you both and feel so connected to you without ever having met. Thank you so much for sharing your lives and lessons with us.
    Much love,

  94. Rachel June 19, 2013 at 3:03 pm - Reply

    Sending prayers for you both. There are no sufficient words, friends.

    Infertility sucks. It's a hard path to walk. xoxo.

  95. Josephine June 19, 2013 at 4:00 pm - Reply

    God bless you, Danny and Mara. Sending prayers and love.

  96. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 4:34 pm - Reply

    I am truly truly sorry to hear this. You two seem like such amazing people. I wish you both the very best.
    I hope & pray that I will someday meet as great of a life partner as both of you have found in each other.
    Best wishes,

  97. Lynley Jill June 19, 2013 at 6:27 pm - Reply

    Thinking of you both and sending prayers of peace and comfort your way.

  98. Julie J June 19, 2013 at 8:11 pm - Reply

    You are both in my thoughts and prayers today. One of my favorite conference talks is "But If Not" by Dennis E Simmons (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/but-if-not?lang=eng). While I have not had the heartache of infertility, I have indeed spent some time in the "fiery furnace of affliction" and this talk has been one of my anchors. As I was looking for it I found another conference talk called "But If Not" by Lance B Wickman
    (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/10/but-if-not?lang=eng). It, too made me think of you.
    I know you know that you are loved, but know that you are loved and supported- not just by those that surround you on Earth, but by your Father in Heaven as well as countless angels (including your ancestors)!
    Much Love,

  99. Anonymous June 19, 2013 at 10:10 pm - Reply

    Very sorry to hear this news, but, not surprisingly, it seems that you two are handling this with the utmost grace and courage. All the best; you'll both get through this, no doubt!


  100. Camille Millecam Whiting June 19, 2013 at 11:31 pm - Reply

    I am so sad for you- I have prayed for you too and I haven't actually met you guys!

    Can I tell you one thing? I'm typing it now, so I hope you said yes! I have a friend who was single until almost 31 in the Mormon single's scene, and asked me honestly one time "Please be honest, I've dated so many girls and it's never worked, is there anything I can fix?"

    There was honestly nothing! I let him know that he was one of the sweetest, smartest, most genuine people I'd ever met. I think the Lord kept him single right up until the last minute so that he could continue doing so much good, inspiring others, and being a friend so many needed.

    As I read this sad moment I want to tell both of you the same thing. Because you're so good, inspiring, and help others so much through one blog I think you're having to experience it to continue to inspire others.

    Thanks for letting all your readers share this journey with you and see your positive attitudes! Thanks for inspiring me and reminding me the importance of choosing to be happy and at peace with God's timing.

  101. nathalia June 20, 2013 at 1:56 am - Reply

    I love you two.

  102. Angie June 20, 2013 at 2:29 am - Reply

    Sorry if this is a repeat, but it looks like my original comment didn't go through. I am so, so sorry about your news. My heart is heavy for you. I know what it feels like to get that phone call. Thanks for sharing your story, and please take good care of yourselves. xoxo

  103. Anonymous June 20, 2013 at 7:12 am - Reply

    Mara & Danny,

    My heart aches for you after reading this post. I have been following your story since the blog was posted, and now find comfort in your words. My husband and I are just beginning our journey into infertility together. After a year of trying to get pregnant while no success, I found myself becoming increasingly depressed. That is until I read your blog and how you as a couple are working through your struggles together. Just know you are helping people all over—fighting the same battle you are.

  104. Shevon June 20, 2013 at 8:21 am - Reply

    Dear Mara & Danny

    I have such great respect and admiration for you. I'm sorry the results were not what you expected. I have been praying & believing with you for this miracle and pleaded with God to bless you with a child. I have seen and experienced that God's ways and thoughts are not like ours and that His plan is so much better than we could ever imagine so I trust that many many blessings are still coming your way. Received a word in church last night that is so obvious yet sometimes we forget that we just need to TRUST God.

    I haven't met you but I love you with the love of the Lord. Continue being the light you are to so many that see no hope in their situations.


  105. Julie June 20, 2013 at 5:06 pm - Reply

    I am so so so sorry to hear this… Keep your faith and your hopes! Don't give up! We, all these people who read you blog, send you our love and pray for you both!

  106. Robyn June 21, 2013 at 3:12 am - Reply

    oh you're the best. You're just the best. I can only aspire to handle trials with such dignity and grace and faith as you are. You are parenting all of us. All of us. So grateful for you both.

  107. Andrea June 21, 2013 at 11:43 pm - Reply

    Oh, your faces! I just tear up looking at them. You are in my thoughts, prayers, and hopes for a bright tomorrow. You are such beautiful, inspiring people – I know God has miracles in store for you. Many, many hugs.

  108. Joe and Joanne June 24, 2013 at 11:48 am - Reply

    I'm so sorry to hear this Mara and Danny. You are in my prayers as you go through the healing process and consider what the Lord would have you do next.

  109. Anonymous June 24, 2013 at 5:10 pm - Reply

    Dear Mara and Danny,
    I just wanted you to know you are not alone. My husband and I also did not receive the news we wished for with our IVF journey this year. The belief that when difficult things happen will they make you better or bitter helped us through. I can already tell you will be made better. Hang on to each other and keep being grateful and thankful for your love, as there are many people on earth who pray for a partner in life to hold them in good times and bad. Thank you for being so open with your journey. I am sure it is not easy, but you are helping and healing many lives. Probably more than you will ever know….

  110. Amber Baltzer June 25, 2013 at 5:21 am - Reply

    Mara and Danny, Thank you for sharing your life with us. I have walked your path before (the negative results of IVF (3 times))and I shed tears for you two. As i lay in my bed exhausted to the bone from the day of running around with my 4 little children 6,5,4, and 2 years old, I am reminded of what miracles they are in my life. It is amazing 7 years of infertility and I still love/need the reminders of what precious gifts they are to me. My children decided to come to our family in their unique ways 2 from adoption and 2 naturally. Your babies will be so blessed to have this record of their journey here to earth. Thank you for your blog and this post I loved it!

  111. Lori Liu (aka Kieran's mama) June 27, 2013 at 1:04 pm - Reply

    Mara and Danny. Sigh. My husband and I too have gone down this road. 3 IVF's, 3 pregnancies, all ended in miscarriage. 5 in total. I think of days and wonder how we ever got through them. so very tender and challenging. Know that many years later we are still processing the enormity of it all.
    Last year we adopted a little girl domestically from an amazing teenager. Life is busy with a 1 and 7 yr old.
    The longing I felt though is still so easy to remember, the pain of it, the loneliness, the isolation.
    Never mind everything your body goes through………
    Look forward to hearing what you guys decide when you are ready to move forward. If you ever need an ear or want to talk about options we both would be happy to talk with you 🙂
    Lori and Kenny Liu

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