It’s amazing how much each day is full of so many smiles and good thoughts. I think it’s making the time go quickly.
You should know that even though we are so far away, you have such a presence in my home. You are spoken of non-stop, your flowers still remain in my kitchen, and you are so much a part of my life here. Having you as part of my day has changed my entire existence here. It’s so recognizable! Everything I do just feels different…and so many things remind me of you. I feel SO honored and grateful that I get to have this privilege of having you in my life. I look forward to creating many memories both in Boston and NY so that when I walk down the street, I can think about you and remember places we went or things we did together. I’m so grateful to have some of those memories already.
Do you ever think about what it would be like to live with another woman? Isn’t it kind of strange to envision living with someone else? 🙂 It is very, very exciting to me. But it just seems like a huge adventure. Because, as you can relate, I’ve lived for so many years according to a certain norm or certain roles or certain patterns. And now I’ve had to adjust to being alone. Anyway, I will just LOVE to live with a spouse again. I simply cannot wait. But it will be an adventure living with someone, blending our lives, learning more and more about each other, etc. It just seems so different to do all that at this age or at this point of our lives – it’s not like we’re starting from scratch in our 20s. It will just be a completely new experience – unlike anything I’ve experienced. And I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!! I just find it so fun being with a spouse and living with them, etc…it really is an amazing gift. And I can’t wait to experience all of it.
Oh man, I just thought about wanting to kiss you. I really shouldn’t do that. I suddenly can’t breathe.
I love you. I miss you. I want you.
With so much love,
(All photos by one of our favorite people Saydi Eyre Shumway)
Darling you are so very good to me! I am seriously lucky to be in love with and loved by you!
Oh, and I’m glad I’ve got a presence in your apartment…not just to ward off potential suitors (haha), but because that’s exactly what I want you to have…whether it’s the physical presence of the flowers, the smell on the pillow, the book you read before you retire, the thoughts that occupy your mind, the emails you receive from me…and yes, especially the love you feel and which is written in your very countenance…I want you to have all of those things, and will do my best to make my presence tangible over these few months.
I was so happy to get your email. I was stuck in traffic when I got it. At your last comment about wanting to kiss (first of all I know exactly what you mean, I almost can’t even entertain the idea I want it too much) I found myself reaching over to the passenger chair as if my hand would meet yours and just brushing my hand back and forth as if to tickle your arm or caress your knee. It didn’t hurt that I was already listening to a song that made me want you. It was amazing because I could almost feel you there! It’s as if you’ve become so engrained in my heart and in my thoughts that I can just close my eyes, reach out my hand, and just feel you. And when I do, this calm and peace just washes over my heart, I feel at peace and at ease, I feel happy and I feel loved, and I want to love you. I think this has come as a natural extension of thinking about you before I go to bed as I reread one last email, or as I wake in the morning to see what treasure came in over night. You are the first and last thing I think of each day, and pretty much everything in between. I can feel your presence, because you are with me in a very real way. And I LOVE that!
Mara, I love sharing with you the things I do…it feels so good to be completely open, to let you know that I long for you, and how I seek to ease that longing in picturing you with me, in listening to music that reminds me of you, in writing you and reading your oh so lovely words. You are home to me, I feel entirely comfortable in your arms, both physical and metaphorical.
Which is why I think, in answer to your last paragraph, it’s safe to say I can’t wait to blend my life with the woman I love. I know in some ways it’s easy to romanticize how wonderful it will be, I mean who honestly thinks beforehand of the things that might possibly annoy them about their spouse. But I think this is where you and I have a significant advantage…I already know I won’t blow up about what are usually small and insignificant differences in the way we do our day to day routines. I already know I won’t fight about those things, I already know that I will try to do my best to adjust my habits to suit/serve my wife, and that I will be able to look with patience and a little bit of humor at the things that have the potential to “drive me crazy”. So though I know it won’t ALL be this amazing combination of two lives, I’m fairly confident MOST of it will be, as long as my partner is also patient and kind and loving. I just can’t wait to enjoy that companionship, that loving support, those hugs after a long day, the healing that comes from having a good woman to climb into bed with and love. I can’t wait to do things together, be it cooking/cleaning, cuddling up to watch a movie, and maybe not watching one minute of that movie..haha. I’m with you darling…I CANNOT WAIT either!!!
I love you.
Big long hugs…like the kind I’m going to give you when I see you next!